There is not much point in having brilliant ideas if
we cannot persuade people of their value.
Persuasive debaters can win arguments using the
force of their reason and by the skillful deployment
of many handy techniques. Here are some general
dos and don’ts to help you win arguments together
with some sneaky tactics to be aware of.
Do:
1. Stay calm. Even if you get passionate about
your point you must stay cool and in
command of your emotions. If you lose your
temper – you lose.
2. Use facts as evidence for your position.
Facts are hard to refute so gather some
pertinent data before the argument starts.
Surveys, statistics, quotes from relevant
people and results are useful arguments to
deploy in support of your case.
3. Ask questions. If you can ask the right
questions you can stay in control of the
discussion and make your opponent
scramble for answers. You can ask questions
that challenge his point, ‘What evidence do
you have for that claim?’ You can ask
hypothetical questions that extrapolate a
trend and give your opponent a difficulty,
‘What would happen if every nation did that?’
Another useful type of question is one that
calmly provokes your foe, ‘What is about this
that makes you so angry?’
4. Use logic. Show how one idea follows
another. Build your case and use logic to
undermine your opponent.
5. Appeal to higher values. As well as logic you
can use a little emotion by appealing to
worthy motives that are hard to disagree with,
‘Shouldn’t we all be working to make the
world better and safer for our children?’
6. Listen carefully. Many people are so focused
on what they are going to say that they ignore
their opponent and assume his arguments. It
is better to listen carefully. You will observe
weaknesses and flaws in his position and
sometimes you will hear something new and
informative!
7. Be prepared to concede a good point. Don’t
argue every point for the sake of it. If your
adversary makes a valid point then agree but
outweigh it with a different argument. This
makes you looked reasonable. ‘I agree with
you that prison does not reform prisoners.
That is generally true but prison still acts
effectively as a deterrent and a punishment.’
8. Study your opponent. Know their strengths,
weaknesses, beliefs and values. You can
appeal to their higher values. You can exploit
their weaknesses by turning their arguments
back on them.
9. Look for a win-win. Be open-minded to a
compromise position that accommodates
your main points and some of your
opponent’s. You cannot both win in a boxing
match but you can both win in a negotiation.
Don’t:
1. Get personal. Direct attacks on your
opponent’s lifestyle, integrity or honesty
should be avoided. Attack the issue not the
person. If the other party attacks you then
you can take the high ground e.g.’ I am
surprised at you making personal attacks like
that. I think it would be better if we stuck to
the main issue here rather than maligning
people.’
2. Get distracted. Your opponent may try to
throw you off the scent by introducing new
and extraneous themes. You must be firm.
‘That is an entirely different issue which I am
happy to discuss later. For the moment let’s
deal with the major issue at hand.’
3. Water down your strong arguments with
weak ones. If you have three strong points
and two weaker ones then it is probably best
to just focus on the strong. Make your points
convincingly and ask for agreement. If you
carry on and use the weaker arguments then
your opponent can rebut them and make your
overall case look weaker.
Low, sneaky ways that some people use to win
arguments:
1. Use punchy one-liners. You can sometimes
throw your opponent out of his stride by
interjecting a confident, concise cliché. Here
are some good ones:
That begs the question.
That is beside the point.
You’re being defensive.
Don’t compare apples and oranges.
What are your parameters?
2. Ridicule and humiliate your opponent. This
can be very effective in front of an audience
but will never win over the opponent himself.
3. Deliberately provoke your adversary. Find
something that makes them angry and keep
wheedling away on this point until they lose
their temper and so the argument.
4. Distract. Throw in diversions which deflect
the other person from their main point.
5. Exaggerate your opponent’s position. Take it
way beyond its intended level and then show
how ridiculous and unreasonable the
exaggerated position is.
6. Contradict confidently. Vigorously denounce
each of your opponent’s arguments as
fallacious but just select one or two that you
can defeat to prove the point. Then assume
that you have won.
Remember that an argument between two people is
very different from a debate in front of an audience.
In the first you are trying to win over the other
person so look for ways of building consensus and
do not be belligerent in making your points. In front
of an audience you can use all sorts of theatrical
and rhetorical devices to bolster your case and
belittle your adversary. In these circumstances
humour is a highly effective tool so prepare some
clever lines in advance.